There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
