I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
