the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
