In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
