Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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