Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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