Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
