So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
