Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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