im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
