I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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