drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
