you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
