I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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