guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
