Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
