I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
