I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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