i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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