My room smells like vodka and shame
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
