At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
