I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
