Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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