I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
being pregnant is like rehab
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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