I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Congratulations! We have a period
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