weddingsv make me drug and hornr
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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