You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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