what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
