After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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