It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
