I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
