I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
