Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
