gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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