best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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