You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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