I can text with my tongue
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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