I hate all girls vehemently.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
