could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Randomize
