cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
