I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
