My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
