no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The beer is more important than you right now.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you never un-have a 4some
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
