whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize