I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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