all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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