she was so not down for the gang bang
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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