he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
