I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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