The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
