U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
