What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
