I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
