how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
