I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Please, let me fuck your mom
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize