Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
