She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
