So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
