Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
