Your dad touched me again.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
