He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
