I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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