I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
