You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
