Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
