I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
