he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
