her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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