yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
