So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
